How much of our lives do we spend waiting. Just waiting. Waiting until we achieve something. Waiting until we are better at something. Waiting until the circumstances of our lives are just right. And sometimes… just waiting for happiness to arrive in our lives.
Listening to a Tic Toc video the other day, I found myself wondering: Are we waiting for life to begin without even realising it?
“People wait all day for 5pm. All week for Friday. All winter for summer. All youth for adulthood. All life for happiness. When we are always focused on the right moment, we are missing the present. Right now is a gift and that’s why it’s called the present.” “Author unknown”
Most of us, at some point in our lives, will have said… I’ll be happy when…
🌿I have more time.
🌿I’ve finished this project.
🌿the children are older.
🌿I feel more confident.
🌿I’ve lost weight.
🌿have more money.
🌿life isn’t quite so complicated.
And so on, and so on! And of course, there’s nothing wrong with looking forward to something. Anticipation can be exciting and having dreams, goals and plans give our lives direction and meaning, but I wonder whether there’s a difference between looking forward to the future and quietly postponing our lives until it arrives. What happens when we’re so busy waiting for life to be different that we forget to be present in the life that we’re already living?
The Never-Ending Promise of ‘When’
There’s something rather interesting about the word when. It can sound so hopeful, can’t it. When I’ve finished this…When I’ve achieved that…When things settle down…When things are easier…
But too often…when just becomes a moving destination. We reach Friday, and we’re already thinking about the weekend ending. Summer arrives, and we’re worrying about how quickly it’s passing. We achieve one goal, and almost immediately another appears. We finish one responsibility, only to discover three more are waiting for us. And somehow, the moment when we’re finally allowed to relax, enjoy ourselves or feel satisfied just keeps moving further and further away.
We’ve become so accustomed to striving that we no longer recognise when we can just simply be. There is always something else to do. Something else to improve. Something else to become. And maybe, beneath all that activity, there’s a quiet belief… “I can enjoy my life when I’ve done enough to deserve it.”
But how much is enough? And who decides what is enough?
When Happiness Becomes a Destination
I think many of us grow up believing that happiness is something we’ll arrive at. Something waiting at the end of a particular journey. When we’ve…
🌸found the right relationship.
🌸built the right career.
🌸created the right home.
🌸feel good enough.
🌸grow confident enough.
🌸become successful enough.
We begin to imagine that happiness belongs to a future version of ourselves. A woman…who has everything sorted out. Who no longer worries. Who knows exactly what she’s doing. Who has overcome all her fears and doubts. Who finally feels worthy of enjoying her life.
But what happens to the woman we are today? The woman who is still learning. Still navigating responsibilities. Still experiencing uncertainty. Still making mistakes. Still trying to understand what she needs.
Does she have to wait? Does she have to become someone else before she’s allowed moments of contentment, joy or peace? What if we don’t have to earn the right to experience our own lives?
The Life Happening Between Our Plans
I often find that nature brings me back to this question. When I’m walking through the park, there are so many little things happening around me. The changing colours of the leaves. A robin singing from somewhere amongst the branches. The squirrels busily preparing for autumn. The sunlight appearing through a break in the clouds. And, of course, my beloved dog Herki investigating something sooo fascinating beneath a bush! Yet none of these moments are particularly extraordinary. They aren’t milestones. They don’t move me closer to a goal. They don’t tick anything off my to-do list, but they are very important parts of my life.
I wonder how many of these little moments do we miss because our minds are already somewhere else. Planning the next thing. Replaying what happened yesterday. Worrying about something that may or may not happen tomorrow or simply moving through our day on automatic pilot.
Of course, we cannot be fully attentive to every single moment in our lives. Our minds naturally wander, and we all have responsibilities to manage and futures to consider. But maybe we can begin to notice when we become so absorbed in what comes next that we’ve lost touch with what is here right now. And then we can gently, REturn back home to ourselves. Not because every moment must be special, but because every moment is part of the life that we’re living.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do” – Mary Oliver — The Summer Day
Being Present Doesn’t Mean Being Happy All the Time
When we talk about living in the present moment, it sometimes sounds as though we’re being encouraged to enjoy every single moment of our lives. To find something positive in every situation. To be grateful no matter what we’re experiencing.
But life isn’t always easy. There are periods of grief, illness, uncertainty, exhaustion and emotional pain. There are circumstances we genuinely want and need to change. And sometimes, just looking forward to a different future is what helps us keep going. We don’t need to pretend that difficult experiences are beautiful. We don’t have to be happy in every single moment, and we shouldn’t blame ourselves if we aren’t. Being present isn’t the same as being happy.
Being present can mean acknowledging that we’re sad, tired, or hurt, that we need support, or a situation isn’t right for us. It can mean taking action to change something, setting a boundary, asking for help, or just giving ourselves permission to rest.
Presence isn’t about accepting every circumstance without question. It’s about remaining in relationship with ourselves, while we respond to the life we’re living.
Are We Waiting to Become Someone Else?
There’s also another kind of waiting that deserves our attention. The waiting that happens within our relationship with ourselves.
🌸I’ll feel worthy when I’m more successful.
🌸I’ll trust myself when I stop making mistakes.
🌸I’ll love myself when I’ve changed all the things I don’t like.
🌸I’ll begin sharing my gifts when I’m confident enough.
How often do we postpone being ourselves until we’ve become a supposedly better version? We may spend years preparing, learning, improving and trying to become ready. And although learning and growth are valuable, sometimes they can quietly become conditions we place upon our own worth. As though the person we are today isn’t quite enough to begin living from.
Yet we can learn and live at the same time. We can be uncertain and still take a small step. We can feel afraid and still allow ourselves to try. We can make mistakes and still remain on our own side. We can be a work in progress without treating ourselves as an unfinished person.
We don’t have to wait until we’ve become someone else before beginning to express ourselves just as we are. And perhaps this is one of the most meaningful ways of coming back home to ourselves. Not waiting until we’ve achieved some perfect state of being, but learning to include ourselves in the journey, exactly where we are.
The Difference Between Waiting and Living
The question isn’t whether we should stop looking forward to things. Of course, we can look forward to Friday – to the summer – to our holidays – to our celebrations – to new beginnings. There is joy in anticipation. The question is whether we can look forward to the future without abandoning the present.
Can we plan for tomorrow and still notice something beautiful today? Can we work towards a goal without making our worth dependent upon achieving it? Can we acknowledge that life is difficult while remaining open to moments of comfort? Can we want to change something without deciding that our lives cannot begin until it does?
We don’t have to choose between the future and the present — both have important places in our lives. We can look forward to tomorrow without disappearing from today.
“Let go of wanting something else to happen in this moment.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn — Wherever You Go, There You Are
🌿 A Moment of REmembrance — Coming Back to Now
Just pause for a few moments.
You don’t need to find a perfectly quiet place. You don’t need a special ritual. Just stop wherever you are, if it’s comfortable and safe to do so.
🌸Feel your feet resting on the ground.
🌸Notice the support beneath you.
🌸Take a gentle, comfortable breath.
🌸And allow yourself to arrive in this present moment.
Not the moment you wish you were experiencing. Not the moment you’re waiting for. Just this one.
Then ask yourself…
🌸 What am I waiting for?
Is there something I’ve been telling myself that must happen before I can feel happy, peaceful, worthy or ready?
🌿 What is already here?
Is there something in my life today that I might be overlooking because my attention is focused on what comes next?
💞 What could I allow myself now?
A little rest? A moment of enjoyment? Permission to begin something? A gentler way of speaking to myself? A few minutes doing something simply because I love it?
There’s no need to force an answer and no need to turn this reflection into another task. Just notice what is happening inside of you. And if you discover that you’ve been postponing something important to you, maybe you can start with just one small step. Not someday. Not when everything is perfect. But when you’re ready to take that step from where you are right now.
Your Life Is Already Happening
I think I’ll remember that brief Tic Toc video for quite some time. Not because I believe we should stop dreaming about the future, but because it reminds me how easily we can fail to notice the life unfolding around us while we’re just waiting for something else. All the…
🌸ordinary moments.
🌸unexpected conversations.
🌸laughter.
🌸birdsong.
🌸quiet cups of tea.
🌸small discoveries.
🌸moments when we recognise what we need and choose to listen.
🌸difficult moments when we learn to stay connected with ourselves rather than immediately turning away.
Happiness isn’t always a destination we eventually reach. It sometimes appears in small moments along the way. Moments that we miss when we only look towards the horizon. And perhaps the deeper invitation is simply this…
🌸To stop postponing our right to be here.
🌸To stop waiting until we’re more accomplished, more confident or more deserving.
🌸To recognise that we can keep growing, changing and becoming while also allowing ourselves to live.
We don’t have to wait for everything to be right before we allow ourselves to be here. Our lives aren’t waiting somewhere in the future — our lives are unfolding right now. Just for a moment, let’s allow ourselves to arrive. Not when. But now. In the present.🌳💞
You might also be interested in this blogpost… The Wisdom of Autumn — Why Turning Inwards Is Part of Growing.
Or this one… When you lose yourself, can you find your own way back home?
BIG Love
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