We talk a lot about what it means to come back to yourself — to come home, to REmember who you are, and to listen within rather than constantly looking outside of yourself for answers. But what does that actually mean in everyday life? For me, being connected to ourselves means being able to notice what is happening within us — what we’re feeling, what our bodies are telling us, what we need, what matters to us and what feels true.
To come back to yourself doesn’t mean that we know all the answers. It simply means that we are present enough to include ourselves in the life we’re living.
Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about something else. What happens when we become so busy responding to life that we stop noticing ourselves within it? What happens when the needs, expectations and noise around us become louder than our own inner voice? What happens when we lose connection with ourselves? Because we will.
They’ll be days when we forget everything we’ve learned. And they’ll be other days when we are immersed in all the doing, the worrying, the pleasing, the rushing or the overthinking. Sometimes we’ll say yes when that voice inside of us wants to say no. Other times, we’ll push ourselves more when all we really need is to rest. We’ll fall back into an old pattern that we thought we’d left behind us, and we’ll react rather than respond. We’ll forget to listen to our bodies until they have to shout louder to get our attention. And yes, we’ll wander…again and again. Because we are human.
Maybe the real question isn’t… ”How do I stop myself from ever losing connection again?”
but… “Who is waiting for me when I REturn?”
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” — Carl Rogers
When Self-Awareness Becomes Another Standard
There can be a curious trap hidden within personal growth. We begin learning about ourselves. We become more aware of our patterns. We learn about boundaries, self-love and presence. We learn about our bodies and our needs.
Then somewhere along the way, all that beautiful awareness quietly turns into another set of expectations.
🌸I should know better by now.
🌸Why am I doing this again?
🌸I thought I’d dealt with this.
🌸After all the work I’ve done, why am I still reacting like this?
And suddenly the very journey that was supposed to bring us closer to ourselves becomes another place where we measure ourselves, judge ourselves and find ourselves lacking. We’ve created a new version of perfection.
Not…I must do everything perfectly.
But…I must heal perfectly.
I must always…
🌸notice what is happening.
🌸respond consciously.
🌸honour my boundaries.
🌸listen to my body.
🌸remain calm, centred and gloriously self-aware.
But you know, life will always intervene.
🌿Someone will press exactly the right button.
🌿We’ll be too tired.
🌿We’ll be too busy.
🌿We’ll have too many things to do.
🌿Something unexpected will happen.
🌿An old fear will suddenly REturn.
And before we even know it, we’re halfway down a familiar road wondering how on earth we got there… again.
Yet it’s not evidence that the inner work hasn’t worked. It’s simply part of being alive…of being human.
“Perhaps awareness isn’t demonstrated by never losing ourselves. Perhaps it is also found in the moment when we suddenly realise that we’ve wandered away from ourselves.” Fiona Elizabeth
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Perhaps the Change Is That You Notice
There was a time when I constantly moved through familiar patterns without even knowing that they were patterns. I continually reacted. I incessantly worried. I continuously judged myself. I pushed harder and harder and I just kept going no matter what.
Now something else happens. I notice. Not always immediately. Sometimes a few minutes or a few hours later…I suddenly notice that…
I’ve been completely in my head – again.
Or…I’ve been pushing myself…again.
Or…My body has been trying to tell me that I need to slow down and rest a while…again.
However, I’ve begun to understand that even noticing later still matters. Because awareness isn’t proved by never losing ourselves.
Awareness is also found in the moment we suddenly notice… I’ve done it again! I’ve wandered away from myself.
That moment isn’t about failure. That moment is an opening. A doorway. An invitation. A REturn back home.
“Like a boundless sea, we have the capacity to embrace the waves of life as they move through us. Even when the sea is stirred up by the winds of self-doubt, we can find our way home.” Tara Bach
Our Body Notices Before our mind Does
Our bodies perceive what is happening before our minds do.
🌺A tightening in the belly.
🌺A breath being held.
🌺An urge to move away.
🌺Shoulders creeping upwards.
🌺Restlessness.
🌺Exhaustion.
Or the opposite —
🌺A softening.
🌺A long, slow exhale.
🌺A feeling of expansion when something feels right.
🌺Shoulders gently relaxing.
We don’t need to interpret every single bodily sensation that we experience but we can become curious.
Instead of immediately asking ourselves…What’s wrong with me?
We ask…What am I noticing, right now?
And then…What do I need now?
Maybe the answer is…
🌱rest.
🌱space.
🌱movement.
🌱company.
🌱boundary.
🌱a walk in the woods.
🌱I don’t know yet.
Listening doesn’t mean that we must immediately have the answer. Sometimes the most important thing is simply letting ourselves know…I’m here. I’m present. I’m listening.
There Is Always a Way Back Home
I believe that this is one of the most important things we can learn. Not how to remain permanently connected to ourselves, but how to REturn home to ourselves. And perhaps even more importantly…how to REturn without punishing ourselves. Because what happens when we notice that we’ve fallen into an old pattern?
Do we welcome ourselves back? Or do we stand at the door with folded arms?
🌿Oh, look who’s finally turned up.
🌿You should have known better.
🌿We’ve been through this before.
🌿When are you ever going to learn?
Technically, we’ve REturned home to ourselves, but we’ve REturned home to a judgemental part of us that is furious because we’ve wandered away. Again!
So, what if we actually say something different? Ah. There you are.
Acknowledging ourselves, not REjecting ourselves. Not pretending that nothing happened. Not avoiding responsibility. Not telling ourselves that every choice we make is positive just because we’re practising self-compassion. But also, not withdrawing our love and presence as punishment for not being perfect.
We can look honestly at what has happened and still stand beside our ourselves while we do it.
Can You Become Someone You Feel Safe Returning To?
This question has stayed with me… just think about what it means.
🌸When you make a mistake… who meets you?
🌸When you fall back into an old pattern… who meets you?
🌸When you’re exhausted because you’ve pushed yourself too far… who meets you?
🌸When you’re frightened, uncertain, ashamed, overwhelmed or simply having a thoroughly human day… who meets you?
Is it The Critic? – The Disappointed Teacher? – The Voice that reminds you of everything you should have done differently? Or, more and more… YOU?
Not a perfect you. Not an endlessly patient, spiritually serene version of you floating through life untouched by anger and frustration. Just you.
🌸Present.
🌸Curious.
🌸Compassionate.
🌸Willing to listen.
Perhaps saying… Okay. I’m here. I’m present. What has happened?
And then… What do I need right now?
REmembrance Is a Relationship
This is why I’ve come to understand REmembrance differently. It’s not just REmembering who we truly are once and then never again forgetting. It is a relationship.
And like every living relationship, it requires our presence.
⚖️We listen. We lose touch.
⚖️We notice. We come closer again.
⚖️We learn. We choose.
We often make the same choice we’ve made a hundred times before. But maybe, we eventually choose to do something differently. Not because we’ve criticised ourselves or bullied ourselves into becoming better… but because we’ve stayed close enough to ourselves to realise that there are other possibilities.
For me, the journey increasingly feels something like this…
REturn.
Notice.
Listen.
Stay.
Choose.
Live.
And when you lose connection? REturn. Not angrily. Not shamefully. Not because you’ve failed and have to begin again. Just REturn back home to yourself.
“Each moment we wakefully ‘let be,’ we are home.” — Tara Brach
A Moment to Pause
Sit quietly for a moment and just ask yourself…What happens inside of me when I notice that I’ve made a mistake or fallen into an old pattern?
What voice appears?
What words does it use?
And then ask yourself…What would it feel like to meet myself differently?
You don’t need to create a long, loving response. Just begin with something very simple…
I notice.
I’m here.
Let me see what I need now.
That’s enough. That’s all. Because every time you respond to yourself with presence rather than abandonment, something in the relationship changes. Little by little, you become someone you know you can come back home to.
🌿Home Was Never Perfection🌿
Coming home to yourself isn’t a destination you finally reach. It’s a relationship that you continuously build. A relationship that is strong enough to hold…
⚖️the forgetting as well as the REmembering.
⚖️the wandering as well as the REturning.
⚖️the old patterns as well as the new choices.
⚖️the difficult days as well as the beautiful ones.
Until one day you finally notice… I wandered. I noticed. I’m back home now.
Again. And again. And again.
And somewhere along the way, you realise that home was never the place where you stopped getting lost.
Home is the “YOU” that welcomes you back.🌳💞
You might also be interested in this blogpost… Staying With Yourself Instead of Trying to Fix How You Feel?
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