Recently, something big shifted inside of me. I had a quiet but very powerful realisation that healing is not about “working on yourself” at all. It’s about “REturning home – REturning to yourself”.
Let me ask you a question. How many times have you said to yourself – “I need to work on myself more.”
I know I have. In all honesty, a huge number of times! In fact, for years, I believed that life was just one long, continuous journey of “working” on myself. Working on…
- my fears
- my emotions
- my reactions
- my overwhelm
- my confidence
- my self-worth
- my healing
I was continuously exhausted – emotionally, physically and mentally. Always trying to improve. Always trying to become “more”. Always feeling that there were so many more layers to fix.
“Returning to yourself is not becoming someone new. It’s about reconnecting with the self that has been buried beneath all the pressure, fear, shame, overwhelm, and expectation.” Fiona Elizabeth
Somewhere down the road we start believing that there is something fundamentally wrong with us that needs correcting, repairing and putting right BEFORE we can even think about becoming ourselves or listening to the calling of our heart. And that belief, day after day, shapes the way we approach ourselves, moulds the way we see yourselves and defines who we believe ourselves to be.
We start managing ourselves like projects – listening to the words of others, analysing ourselves, and constantly feeling “unfinished”. Just another thing to “work on”, another thing to get “right.”, another thing to “fix”.
And for those of us already carrying shame, feeling overwhelmed from “doing the work”, or suffering nervous system exhaustion from constant self-analysis, that pressure is deeply painful.
What if Nothing Is Wrong With You…
One morning, as I was journalling I realised that healing ourselves is about “returning home”. Returning home to ourselves.
It’s not about working on ourselves. It’s not about constantly analysing ourselves. It’s not about doing us but…about being us.
Being ourselves, being present with ourselves and allowing ourselves to heal from the inside out.
And this feels completely different. Because returning to yourself is not about becoming someone new. It’s about reconnecting with the self that has always been there beneath all…
- the fears
- the expectations
- the overwhelm
- the pressure
- the conditioning
- the stories
…and all the numerous ways you learned to leave yourself behind.
So many of us spent years…and even more, disconnecting from ourselves in order to survive – just to be able to move forward.
We learned to ignore our bodies, silence our emotions, override our needs. We learned to please others, to perform, to push through, to keep going. And doing that for long enough, we lost touch with our own natural rhythm. We stopped feeling safe within ourselves. We became strangers to our own inner world.
This is why nervous system healing has become so important to me recently. Because I’ve realised something profound…so much of what we call “self-improvement” is actually our nervous system trying desperately to feel safe, worthy, accepted, or enough. And no amount of self-fixing will ever create true peace, if we are constantly abandoning ourselves in the process.
“And I said to my body softly, ‘I want to be your friend.’ It took a long breath and replied, ‘I have been waiting my whole life for this’ ” Nayyirah Waheed
What Returning To Yourself Looks Like
Returning home to yourself is about learning how to reconnect with…
- your body
- your emotions
- your needs
- your truth
- your inner wisdom
- your natural rhythms
Again. And again. And again.
It feels…
…very different. Softer. Kinder. More honest.
It sounds like…
“What do I really need right now?”
“This feels overwhelming…I just need to breathe consciously”
“I don’t need to force this…I can slow down and connect with myself a few moments”
“I don’t have to do anything. I can choose how I feel”
“I can gently support myself through this moment rather than attacking myself.”
It looks like…
- slowing down
- consciously breathing
- listening inwards
- speaking kindly to yourself
- staying with yourself when you feel overwhelmed
- resting without feeling guilty
- sitting quietly with a cup of our favourite tea
- placing your hand on your heart and breathing
- saying no when you need to
- allowing yourself to feel
- asking for support
- walking in nature
Little things. Tiny moments. Yet so powerful.
Because every time you stay connected to yourself in a difficult moment you teach your nervous system something new – “I don’t need to abandon myself in order to survive.” And that changes everything.
I think so many of us are exhausted not because we are failing but because we have spent most of our lives trying to become something else. Trying to be…
- more acceptable
- more productive
- more healed
- more worthy
- more enough
…while forgetting that who we truly are, never actually disappeared. It has simply been buried beneath all those layers of protection, pain, fear and expectation. And perhaps that is the real journey. Not self-improvement. Not self-perfection. But self-remembering. Simply remembering who we truly are. A gentle return. A quiet coming home to ourselves.
🌿 A Closing Reflection
So maybe your journey isn’t asking you to become more. Maybe it’s simply asking you to reconnect with what has always been there beneath all the layers and all the noise.
Maybe you don’t need to “work on yourself” at all. Maybe you just need to return home to yourself with more presence, more softness, and more honesty.
One simple breath. One simple moment. One gentle step at a time.
With BIG Love
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