Uncovering The YOU That Has Always Been There
REmembering who you truly are is less about becoming someone new and more about gently uncovering the YOU that has been there all along.
From the moment we are born, we begin collecting words, labels, expectations and beliefs about ourselves. Some encourage us to grow. Others quietly become part of the story we tell ourselves for years. Without realising it, we spend a lifetime trying to live up to someone else’s expectations, or trying to prove that those painful words were never true.
Perhaps the journey home begins with a different question…
Who are YOU beneath all that you have been told you are?
Who are YOU beneath all that you are not?
Let me ask a question… Have you ever stopped to wonder how much of who YOU believe yourself to be was first spoken by someone else?
When we entered the world, we were given a name. It was one of the first gifts we ever received in our lives. But not long afterwards, so many of us began receiving other things too. We started receiving…
- Labels
- Messages
- Opinions
- Expectations
Sometimes they were spoken lovingly and playfully. Sometimes they were spoken in frustration or anger. Sometimes they were repeated so often that we stopped questioning them altogether and we took them as absolute truth.
“You are so naughty.”
“You are such a bad girl.”
“You always make me angry.”
“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You have no imagination.”
“You’re so lazy.”
“You’re not clever enough.”
“You’re not pretty enough.”
“You’re not good enough to do that.”
“You’ll never be anything.”
“You are just like your grandmother was”
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t…”
“If you were a good girl…”
And so on. And so on. Again. And again.
Little by little, these words began to settle down inside of us. Not because they were true. But because, as children, we naturally believed the people who took care of us, the people who brought us up, the people who taught us.
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Back then, we didn’t have the ability to ask ourselves “Is this really who I am?”. Instead, we quietly began collecting these messages. Some of them became beliefs. Some of them became fears. And some of them became the stories that we told ourselves each and every single day. The stories that we believed were the truth.
Perhaps without even realising it, we spent years of our lives trying to convince ourselves, trying to prove to ourselves that they were wrong. We desperately tried to live up to them or we tried to hide from them altogether.
Eventually, we no longer heard another person’s voice. We just heard our own. Only it wasn’t really ours anymore. It had simply become very familiar. And because it felt familiar…it was mistaken for the truth.
“Every choice before you represents the Universe inviting you to remember who you are and what you want.” Alan Cohen
I wonder… whose words are you still carrying with you? Whose disappointment? Whose criticism? Whose expectations? Whose fears? Whose idea of who you should be? What labels are you still wearing that were never truly yours?
The journey home begins by gently laying down all those labels. Not with anger. Not with blame. But with awareness. Because awareness creates space. And in that space, something beautiful begins to happen. We start asking ourselves a different question.
Not… “What’s wrong with me?”
But… “Who am I beneath it all?”
Beneath all the labels.
Beneath all the comparisons.
Beneath the guilt.
Beneath the shame.
Beneath the fear of never being enough.
Awareness gives us choices.
As I was writing this, memories silently began to arrive. Not dramatic memories but just ordinary sentences. The kind that many of us hear as children without realising how deeply they settle down inside of us.
Growing up, I often heard things like “You are so bad.” “Just get out of my sight.” If I asked for something new to wear, the response was always, “All you think about is you! Do you think I’m made of money?” As a sensitive child, I didn’t hear these words as passing moments of frustration for my mother. I heard them as messages about who I was. Years later, I realised how much I had carried with me and how much I had believed them.
When I was around ten years old, after moving to a new school in a new county, one of my teachers told me that I had absolutely no imagination and that I would never get anywhere. Those words stayed with me for decades. What made them even more confusing was that only a short time before, at my previous school, I had consistently been one of the top pupils in my class and every year I had received awards for my work. One voice encouraged me. Another diminished me. As a child, guess which one I listened to and believed? Yes, the one that hurt me the most.
Looking back now, I can see how those words silently influenced the choices I made, the confidence I lacked, and the ways I held myself back without even realising it.
The memories are still there. I haven’t erased them. But something has changed. Today, I can recognise those voices for what they were. Just a part of my story. They are not my ‘I’dentity. They are not who I am. And that awareness has given me choices.
Instead of believing every old message, now I can gently question it. Instead of carrying every label, now I can slowly lay them down. Little by little, I am REmembering who I am beneath all the layers of what I am not.
And that is what healing really is. Not forgetting the past. Not pretending it never happened. But no longer allowing someone else’s words and actions to define the rest of our lives.
Who were YOU before someone told you who you should be or who you had to be in order to be accepted?
That YOU is the person who has been silently and patiently waiting for you to come home all along. Not a perfect version of you. Not a better version of you. Simply…YOU. The YOU who has always been there beneath all that you are not.
Just think of this for a moment… If so much of who we think we are, was given to us… then who are we underneath it all?
I believe that the question “Who am I beneath all that I am not?” is one of the most important questions we can ever ask ourselves.
REflection
I’d like to invite you to just pause a few moments.
Get yourself some paper or your journal and something to write with. Light yourself a little candle.
Get yourself comfortable and take 3 deep conscious breaths – IN – HOLD – OUT x 3.
And just sit awhile and reflect a little on the following questions. Write down what comes up for you.
“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be? Charles Bukowski
REmembering and REleasing
REmembering isn’t about gathering together all the pieces of ourselves or trying to become someone new. It’s about gently REleasing everything that never truly belonged to us in the first place.
Little by little, we begin to discover something remarkable; something wonderful…
We were never the labels.
We were never the criticism.
We were never the expectations.
We were never the stories.
We were always something far, far quieter. Far kinder. Far more whole. And that self has never left us. It has simply and patiently been waiting, beneath all the layers of “stuff” that we are not.
You might also be interested in reading my blog post Earth-Hearth-Heart – Finding Your Way Back Home
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