Early this morning, as always, I was sitting in my cosy armchair, journalling and looking out on to the gardens, when my attention was drawn to a neighbour’s poplar tree. I immediately found myself remembering the tall and graceful poplars that once surrounded a park bench that became very important to me during a really difficult period of my life. I spent many, many hours just sitting on that bench, day after day, month after month. And although I didn’t realise it at the time, those stately trees were silently teaching me. Yes, long before I had the language for it, those trees were teaching me about resilience…and what it really means to be rooted. They became some of my first mentors.
“The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.” — John Muir, John of the Mountains
They Remained Rooted
What fascinated me about these towering and impressive poplars was the way they responded to the weather. On still days, they stood…perfectly still. When a breeze arrived, their leaves shimmered. And when the strong winds came, their tall trunks and branches just moved along with the wind. They didn’t fight against the wind; they just bent and swayed backwards and forwards. And they remained rooted.
The more I watched them, the more I began to understand something…Strength didn’t mean refusing to move. It meant being rooted deeply enough that movement was possible. That idea just stayed with me.
“Resilience isn’t about standing still. It’s about knowing how to move without losing yourself.” Fiona Elizabeth
What If Resilience Isn’t About Being Strong All the Time?
We often talk about resilience as though it means being able to withstand anything and everything.
- Keep going.
- Be strong.
- Don’t let things affect you.
- Get back up.
- Carry on.
But I think nature shows us something much gentler.
A tree doesn’t demonstrate its strength by remaining perfectly rigid during a storm.
- It responds.
- It moves.
- It bends.
And maybe we can too.
There are times, and there will be more times, when life moves us. A difficult conversation affects us. Something unexpected happens. We become tired. Overwhelmed. Uncertain. Sad. Afraid. Our energy changes. Our plans need to change.
Being resilient doesn’t mean that none of these things will affect us. And maybe resilience is about learning that… we can be affected without losing ourselves. We can…
- bend without believing we are broken.
- rest without believing we have failed.
- change direction without believing we are lost.
- feel deeply without believing we are weak.
- move with what is happening while remaining connected to something deeper within us.
Roots Give Us Somewhere To Return To
Back then, observing the poplars every day, month after month, helped me to understand the importance of roots. Today, they mean even more to me.
Our roots may just be the things that help us to REmember ourselves. To REmember who we truly are.
- Our breath.
- Our body.
- Our values.
- Nature.
- Silence.
- walks.
- Journalling.
- Rituals.
- Spiritual practices.
- People we trust.
- Familiar places.
- The simple awareness that we are here. I AM.
Roots don’t prevent the storms of life, but they give us somewhere inside of ourselves to return to when the storm arrives. The deeper our relationship is with ourselves, the less afraid we need to be of our own movements.
We can notice – I’m overwhelmed today. I’m tired. I’m uncertain. I’m feeling something really strongly – without immediately turning that experience into “Something is wrong with me”. We can move and sway without abandoning ourselves.
This is part of what REmembrance means to me now. Not becoming so rooted that nothing disturbs us but developing a relationship with ourselves that we can REturn to again and again. The aim isn’t…to never lose our balance. The aim is…to know that when we lose it, we can find our way back home to ourselves.
The Wisdom of Flexibility
Another word I’ve come to appreciate more deeply is…flexibility.
Sometimes we mistake rigidity for strength. We decide how something should happen. How quickly we should progress. How productive we should be. How we should feel. How our healing should look. And when reality doesn’t cooperate with the plan, we resist – Oh I know that feeling very well!
Yet, nature rarely seems interested in our rigid schedules, it just responds. The seasons change. The leaves fall and the plants become dormant. The animals rest and adapt and the birds migrate. There are periods of new growth and flowering, and there are periods when very little appears to be happening…on the surface.
I believe that we have rhythms too. There are times for…
- taking action.
- resting.
- growing.
- letting go.
- turning inwards.
- stepping forward.
And resilience also includes learning to listen to those rhythms, learning to be more flexible, learning to go with the flow, rather than continuously demanding ourselves to remain the same.
“Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson – from his book Education
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Being Rooted in the Body
You know, roots aren’t just an idea. We can feel rooted when we consciously breathe. When we…
- notice our feet on the ground.
- move our bodies slowly and deliberately.
- step outside and allow our senses to bring us into the present.
- notice what is happening within us instead of immediately disappearing into our thoughts.
Our bodies can bring us back to NOW.
Not yesterday. Not what might happen tomorrow. But NOW.
Right here. With this breath. This body. This moment. NOW.
This is one of the reasons that those trees affected me so deeply. They weren’t explaining presence to me. They were embodying it.
“I can be affected without losing myself. I can bend without believing I am broken.” Fiona Elizabeth
The Poplars Are Still Teaching Me
And that is why, all these years later, a poplar tree outside my window can still stop me.
This morning, sitting quietly in my armchair, I watched its leaves gently moving and remembered those trees surrounding my old park bench. And for a moment, the past and the present just converged. The woman who once sat beneath those poplars learning how to grow roots… and the woman sitting here today, understanding more deeply what those roots have come to mean to her.
My understanding has changed. My life has changed. I have changed. But their teaching is even more important to me now. They taught me that being rooted doesn’t mean life won’t move me. It means that…I can move without losing MY connection to MYSELF.
The winds can come. I may sway. I may need to bend. I may need to stop. I may need to change direction. And when the storm passes, I don’t have to criticise myself for having moved. I can simply notice that… I’m still here.
For me that is resilience. Not becoming so strong that nothing touches us. But becoming sufficiently rooted in our own selves that we can permit ourselves to be touched by life… and still find our own way back home.
“Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees.” — John Muir – Our National Parks
The next time you see a tree moving in the wind…just pause for a moment.
Observe.
Listen.
Breathe.
And REmember…
I don’t need to resist every wind that moves me. I need roots that help me to REmember who I am while I move.
The beautiful, majestic Poplar trees still continue to teach me…and I think they always will.
You might also be interested in reading my blog post “What if you stopped looking for what is wrong with you”
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